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• W2078751041 abstract "I fell victim to serious mental illness in my mid-20s, while I was studying psychology and philosophy at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, in 1978. I hadmost of the classic symptoms of the illness, including delusions with persecutory, referential, and grandiose messianic religious themes. I will tell you about them and about how my own creative nature as an artist, playwright, and poet helpedme deal with this illness with the help of my orthomolecular psychiatrist. He vastly improved the quality of my life and helped save it. Now let me describe the period just before the onset of my bout with this mental illness. It was 1977, and I was a determinist. I greatly admired Albert Einstein because he said, “God does not play dice.” My theory was that nature itself is deductive, like mathematics. Scientists can understand the laws of nature because those laws are deductive. I love philosophy, particularly philosophy of mathematics and philosophy of religion, axiology, and inductive and deductive logic. I was also a behaviorist, believing that B. F. Skinner’s ideas of stimulusresponse conditioning were simply the description of cause-and-effect determinism. At that time, the joy ofmy academic studies was my own personal discovery of “The Logical Paradigm,” which is thebeautiful pattern toAristotle’s formal deductive logic. I was trying to find the meaning of life. Socrates said that “the unexamined life is not worth living,” and I could not agree more. I discovered in axiology that “pleasure shared is pleasure doubled.” The greatest insight I learned was from Plato’s theory of forms. Think for a moment about a square drawn on a piece of paper. Whereas the square on the paper is sensible, or an imperfect object perceived by the senses, the viewer can transcend and perceive the perfect, real square, which is intelligible and perceptible to the intellect of the mind. This method can apply to things like virtue and justice, for example, as well as to forms such as squares. The ideal world where the form of the perfect square is real is the transcendent realm, where the sun is the highest form. Plato called the sun the Good. This is important to understand because Plato’s sun concept became a personal self-concept in my delusional world. I came to believe that I was the faultless sun—a kind of perfect, Platonic sun god. At that point in my life I didn’t believe in God. I was thinking a lot about existentialism, believing that existence precedes essence; that is, we are born into the world without any meaning and only after we are born do we create essence ormeaning for ourselves. ANativeAmerican aphorism, “amanbecomes what he dreams,” was the direction my life was taking. This led me away from determinism to the Oglala Lakota holy man and prophet Nicholas Black Elk, who lived from1863 to 1950. There is much empirical evidence to support many of Black Elk’s prophecies. Black Elk had a vision about the sun god. He said, “the Sun, the light of the world, I hear Him coming. I see His face as He comes. He makes the beings on earth happy, and they rejoice.” Black Elk has another great vision of an immature golden eagle. “Hewill appear, may you behold Him, an Eagle for the Eagle Nation shall appear may you behold!” I believed that Black Elk was referring to an immature man who would revolutionize the world and that the immature man was me—an unmarried man stunted socially by a severe mental illness. I started to believe in God, and I thought I was becoming Black Elk’s sun god. I next discovered the I Ching, a book of ancient Chinese divination that would come to govern my life in many ways. It is known as “The Book of Changes.” Confucius believed that only a sage could use the I Ching because the sage possessed the Mandate of Heaven. Its divination works by transcendental coincidence. A person asks a question, tosses coins, and the combination of heads-and-tails landings leads by transcendental coincidence to a passage in the I Ching containing the answer. The coincidence is transcendental because it is an earthly, empirical event that coincides with a heavenly, transcendental event from the invisible world of God. The more questions I asked the I Ching, the more amazed I became. In response to my question Who am I? I learned that I was a prophet who shall be a great boon to the world, and according to the text, this power “is not given to every mortal to bring about a time of outstanding greatness and abundance. Only an enlightened born ruler of men is able to do it, because his will is directed to what is great. . . . He must be like the sun at midday, illuminating and gladdening everything under Heaven.” Later, as I read about the brilliant Jeane Dixon’s 1952 prophecy about the sun, I thought that I was a sun god who would bring all humankind together in one all-embracing faith; I would be the foundation of a new Christianity, with every creed united through me. I wanted to spread the wisdom of God throughout the world. The more questions I asked the I Ching, the more I believed that I was Jeane Dixon’s sun Mr. Stone, who is writing under a pseudonym, resides in San Francisco. Send correspondence to Mr. Stone in care of Personal Accounts, Psychiatric Services, American Psychiatric Association, 1000 Wilson Blvd., Suite 1825, Arlington, VA 22209-3901. Jeffrey L. Geller, M.D., M.P. H., is editor of this column." @default.
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• W2078751041 date "2014-10-01" @default.
• W2078751041 modified "2023-09-27" @default.
• W2078751041 title "Personal Accounts: How I Learned to Live With Mental Illness" @default.
• W2078751041 doi "https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ps.651001" @default.
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