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- W224739220 startingPage "148" @default.
- W224739220 abstract "I JUST can't talk -- never learned -- forgot how -- can't remember -- I TWIST my hands, drink black coffee, SMOKE, read long novels & forget the characters' names. My mouth opens to reveal my lack of SLEEP, my TEETH, my FILLINGS -- but I just can't TALK!(She's frozen -- observing over tables in cafes for hours mouths moving hands position to re-state. What can they be saying for all that time?)They say I. I. I. I DID. I SAW. I HEARD. Touched / remembered / REALISED / met. That's what they say. I & I & I & I. It would be different if they were ALONE. No YOU -- no I. No LISTENER no SPEAKER.(Light conversation is readily whipped up from the obvious. The time & the weather are easy starting points but the revolutions of the planet are not her concern & if she turns her head to look out of the window the sky will say it more truthfully. If she was the type to use telephones that would be sufficient.)It's NOT sufficient. I DON'T CARE about the obvious. I want to say SOMETHING! I could call my desire CONNECTION, but that's too inaccurate. When Dom & I sleep together a certain thought PULLS at me like A STRING FIXED INSIDE MY SKULL -- mostly I feel it in my neck & SOMETIMES I THINK MY EYES MUST BE ROLLING UPWARDS, GROTESQUE! -- like a dog with rabies. The thought is THIS: others have been here before us, & before them, others. I can't BEAR the idea that NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS NEW, not even something this intimate. The antiquity of our dialogue convulses me -- I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN where my mind goes & what I see there.(Yes she could. She's armed with a vocabulary of symbols which could say it in the dialect of rockets & fireworks & Dom would know what that meant but how would he know what she meant?)Question: What are you THINKING?Answer: NOTHING.(He said: I love you. He could say the words & she could understand them. He must have said them before. She thought of the ones before her, wondered where they unpacked his same words & what they did afterwards. He says: I love you. She says: But what do you mean? He is hurt. What does she mean? The silence sets in like a lullaby.)Dom talks, to ANYONE! -- stories mainly. There's Alex, who ate spaghetti & wrote his thesis on a wooden plank balanced between the taps & the rim of the bath. Dom tells the story SHAMELESSLY, repeatedly...simple spaghetti becomes SPAGHETTI MARINARA in HUGE mixing bowls, SPRINKLED WITH PARMESAN CHEESE, taken with Nicaraguan coffee. The books from the university library develop soggy, curled edges. Our friends imagine Alex's skin, & the outcome of his thesis. WHEN THEY MEET HIM, they SMILE at his t-shirt, the one which says Don't ask me about my thesis, & are surprised -- how can he be SO THIN, & EXTROVERTED?(But she just can't talk. She despises Dom's stories, wonders if she's a story too. She casts off the lines of meaningless conversation. She grips the handlebar of silence with both hands. Sullen. Enigmatic. Withdrawn. Secretive. Intense. This is how she's described.)Dom DOES talk about me, with his friends, with OUR FRIENDS. …" @default.
- W224739220 created "2016-06-24" @default.
- W224739220 creator A5036651946 @default.
- W224739220 date "1990-11-30" @default.
- W224739220 modified "2023-09-26" @default.
- W224739220 title "She JUST Can't Talk" @default.
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