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- W2787905188 abstract "Notes on not being able to have a baby Stevie Howell (bio) B/c we procrastinate, or are sadists,b/c we are superstitious about destiny & readiness, an egg never hatched. Or the universe avenged my 16-yr-old agendato pour my life into an accident—to circumvent big questions by hosting them. Even then, I was barren. Not barren, but knotted. They wanted to cut me. They havea war plan for women in their 30s. Incision lines on abdomens w/Sharpies ordain it thusly: Surgery. 2 weeks in bed.6 weeks of abstinence. Then try regularly for a whole year, whatever year that was. It was a numberless yearthe year they said endometriosis & not all pain is psychosomatic—just most pain is, & a diagnosis is not the period but the sentence. [End Page 130] A no-show for the appointment,the secretary's attempt to shame me by voicemail was foolish. You can't shame a stranger! Not when they know this much about scalpels,human error, & how scar tissue forms where you least can bear it. Sometimes I see yr Norwegian noseon someone's child, yr constellation of moles I've mapped, miniaturized. I close my eyes to fall, & our boy's an astronaut—bilical in deep space,where all he's ever been touched by is particles. & I confess, I've feared the past more than I've known how to turn toward his face. I've witnessed the betrayal of natural laws, & I didn't see this only w/Jesus. No I didn't. & so if I can't, I can't (so be it). But it's strange, how pain never knows when to stopdrinking. Pain has found no touch as tender as lifting its own handto its own lips. That's another subject, I say, & you say, no it isn't. [End Page 131] Stevie Howell Stevie Howell is an Irish-Canadian writer and editor living in Brooklyn. Howell's poetry has appeared in BOAAT and Prelude and is forthcoming in Gigantic Sequins and the Cossack Review. Stevie's second collection of poetry, I left nothing inside on purpose, is forthcoming from Penguin Random House Canada. Visit www.steviehowell.ca. Copyright © 2017 University of Nebraska Press" @default.
- W2787905188 created "2018-03-06" @default.
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- W2787905188 date "2017-01-01" @default.
- W2787905188 modified "2023-10-17" @default.
- W2787905188 title "Notes on not being able to have a baby" @default.
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