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• W4286810007 abstract "Cowboys JP Gritton (bio) 1 I couldn’t tell you what we saw in Tod O’Neil, or what we feared. Maybe it was a matter of timing: Tod had that lion-tamer’s knack for knowing just when to crack the whip, a blunt force of personality with which he kept his friends in line. Not that we were his “friends,” exactly—we were more like supplicants, bowing and scraping before him, indulging every stray whim. We clung to Tod as to the butt of a pistol, because sometimes everybody wants a gun. Earlier that fall, we’d found a dead deer in a stand of cattails. Dead, I write, but “rearranged” is maybe a better way of putting it: I remember the weird swirl of her legs around her flayed belly, the hot guts leaking into the mud. Tucked under the slender ribcage, something masquerading as a head: a felt button for a nose, velveteen ears, bits of black glass for the eyes. Wandering upon that crime scene was the feeling of your first dirty magazine, a feeling like: This can’t be a thing that happens. I would feel the same way a year later, the night that dog ripped Tod’s pretty little ear off. It would take the Supervising Adult to make sense of the thing, to put it into some kind of context: “Mountain lion,” declared Ron, the Scoutmaster. And then, gesturing toward the steam rising from the lewd jumble of guts, he went on: “Fresh kill. We better get going.” 2 If it was safety we sought in Tod, it was safety of a queer sort. Not counting me, there were four boys in the fifth-grade class, and he knew all our emotional chokeholds, all our pressure points, the Achilles heels to our hearts. Some among us were a little husky, for example. Others among us cried too readily, or wet the bed at sleepovers, or smelled like the strange foods our parents cooked at home. Some of us still clung to those things—science fiction novels, comic books, the Boy Scouts— [End Page 66] that it would be so crucial to foreswear in the impending nightmare of public school. As for me, I was the Poor Kid. Not that my family was poor, don’t misunderstand me, but such things are always relative. From a certain vantage point, we turns to they. CAPE COD, exclaimed their t-shirts, or HAWAII, places they had visited on vacations and cruises. My t-shirts said the same sorts of things, although the lettering was faded because my clothes were hand-me-downs. Their dads were economics professors at the University, or they were family law attorneys, or plastic surgeons, or real estate developers. My dad was in sales, which meant he crossed great distances in a rust-gnawed Volvo station wagon—the one that was waiting for me in the parking lot at the end of each day. We were studying the transcendentalists that year, but I knew better than to think things like money didn’t matter: before Thoreau built his cabin, some poor sap’s wigwam had stood on the shores of Walden Pond. Our school was on old Arapaho land, half a day’s drive from the place where Chief Niwot had died, his arms folded over his chest while the Federal cavalry hacked his family to bits. I was in my twenties before I heard about the miners down in Ludlow, not far from Sand Creek, the ones the National Guard slaughtered like Indians when they went on strike. A younger me might’ve recognized the hand of an organizing violence. And now I am flashing on us, standing outside the state-of-the-art music room, maiming the lyrics to the songs we’d learned there: This land is my land, this land ain’t your land I’ve got a shotgun, and you ain’t got none! 3 Use your words, they’d told us, neglecting to mention that certain words can fuck you up permanent. Tod’s words worked like darts, so sharp they punctured the skin without you noticing it—and by the time you did..." @default.
• W4286810007 created "2022-07-24" @default.
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• W4286810007 date "2022-06-01" @default.
• W4286810007 modified "2023-10-17" @default.
• W4286810007 title "Cowboys" @default.
• W4286810007 doi "https://doi.org/10.1353/plo.2022.0100" @default.
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